


i lay justice at your feet

by alltimeslash



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Assault, Friendship, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Rape/Non-con Elements, assault recovery, the fam to the rescue, wump so much wump, your going to hate me for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltimeslash/pseuds/alltimeslash
Summary: "We're two sides of the world's immune system "





	1. prologe

**Author's Note:**

> prologue

_thinking back the day that changed everything was like any normal day , i came into the office , laughed and joked with jack and bozer , puttered around -much to mattys carnage - as there wasn't any missions i had jet off to ._

_all in all any normal day , as normal as it can get being an agent for a top secret agentsy that saves the world on a daily basis like its right out of a spy action film ._

_but the thing about real life , is that even when its based on true stories its not like in the movies , there's no magic pause or fast forward button when things happen to the people you love - when things happen to you , you have no chose but to live it ._

_a monster walked into my life , a monster i didnt see coming , and tore into it.. and i was present for all of it , for every second i couldn't disappear even tho i wanted to ._

_the biggest mistake that i made was believing that if i ignored it , it would some how mend itself , like this thing that had shifted so fully inside me would some how twist itself back into shape ._

_its funny how true that saying is , that smart people can do such stupid things_

_if i had known then what i know now , maybe what id done would have been different , maybe it would have been exactly the same_

_the same in a way that i could never be again ..._


	2. Against the wall, we fall from grace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 lets see how this goes

"jack seriously time travel dosnt exist "

"yet!"

"is he still on that ? "

"jack would still be on our AI project being the catalyst for a real version of irobot , if i hadn't told him to stop being a 5 year old and drop it " the sharp and amused cut in from matty startled the 4 people gathered in the war room instantly shifting there attention .

 

jack was the first to speak "not that i don't just love spending time with you madds , but what IS the reason wev all been summoned ?" 

 

"yeah is there an important mission or-?" 

 

matty holds up a hand quieting the room "no baby Einstein relax , i called you all in here because theirs an agent coming in from a different branch to help in our lab with some of our more resent projects , and as your boss i thought it'd be good to introduces you to the person you may all be working with in one way or another , instead of you looking up one day and realizing "hey there's a stranger in one of our labs " .

 

"o-k " it was amazing to mac how even after knowing her for so long how very much intimidating she could be , if not amusingly snaky .

 

"now everyone , id like you meet agent timothy's hes assisting us with some of our technical projects so boz you'll defiantly be seeing the most of him "

 

a man with dark hair and dark eyes walked into the room as if on a cue , his skin was tanned and his suit a dusty gray , and with his height he was over everyone in the room even jack .

 

he started introducing himself , everyone smiling and exchanging pleasantries .

 

when he came to mac , he reached out to shake the mans hand ,something shifted , the hand that held his was firm and a thumb caressed his wrist as if on accident , if possible when mac looked up to meet them the mans eyes had gotten even darker , they held something there , a glint that had macs skin crawling and the hair at his neck standing on end .

 

when the man spoke it was a ruff and rumbling purr 

 

"its very nice to meet you agent macgyver , iv heard great tell of your ..skills , your quite the interesting man ."

 

"um -thank you agent timothy , its nice to meet you to "

 

"pleease call me Tim "

 

"uh ok, tim " Tim held his hand for far longer then what seemed necessary , and if mac didnt know any better it almost seemed like the man was enjoying his discomfort .jack clearing his throat broke the spell .

 

"ah excuse me ! afraid i may have gotten a little star stuck i am quite the fan of your work , speaking of witch i should best get to mine , yes !" 

 

tim turned quickly to bozer flashing him a charming smile " i believe well be sharing the same lab , i don't suppose you could show me the way iv heard great things , id love to see some of your work as well " ? 

 

bozer was instantly charmed at the praise "well you know i do what i do " bozer beckoned tim with an excited hand his chatter echoing through the door as he led tim down the hall .

 

jack chuckled "well well , looks like we got another nerdasure to add to the deck you 4 should just have a grand old time "

 

Riley scuffed "thank god , i was afraid hed be another one of you"

 

jack put on an innocent look of offense "now whats wrong with that "? 

 

"should i do the some up or ~"

 

"oh riles that's just hurtful , speaking a hurtful , seasoned bad ass standing right here and its geekachew that gets the new fanboy "? riley huffs "yeah i noticed that from a whole other branch to , you must have one hell of a rep mac ."

 

"what "? mac had only heard bits and pieces of the conversation hed been to busy staring at the door , as if the 2 people who had walked through it many minuets before had never left , he chimes in at the sound of his name .

 

"oh don't let us distract you , we were just talking about your new biggest fan " jack smirks " and did you see the way he had bozer eaten out of his nerdy hands , you 4 will just get along great wont you mac ."

 

macs skin is crawling and he cant exactly seem to put his finger on why , but his eyes , are drawn back helplessly to the door "yeah ...yeah well get along fine " 

 

its mattys voice that brings him back , a back and forth with jack about how they've done the meet and great , and they can now leave her office to do something constructive 

 

its amusing and he feels a grin tug at his lips , but it does nothing to quell the tingling of his skin .

 

 

 

his feelings of unease carries on , until the work day has come to a close , hes meeting jack and Riley at the house , but hed had some last second things to do , so mac had told them to go on ahead and hed be right behind them .

 

walking through the parking garage of Phoenix , alone , and at night was not something mac would have ever considered .. uncomfortable , seeing as it was something he did a million times , it wasn't even something he really thought about .

 

this would be the last night he ever thought this .

 

mac had just stepped out of the elevator that connected the parking level to the main building , making his way to his jeep , he wasn't really paying much attention to what was around him .

 

a voice however, low and deep caught him and drug him from his oblivion "heading home mac " ?

 

mac turned sharp and short , to see tim leaning against a cement pillar , an arm crossed over his chest and a cig in his other hand 

 

when he caught macs eyes he smiled , soft and playful that narrowed his eyes , it reminded mac of a cat "i hope you don't mind , if i call you mac that is , i heard you don't like being called by your first name ..i can.. relate ."

 

"oh " ? mac had the urge to leave as quick as possible as if to flee before a threat , but a softer voice , an older one , whispered that that would be an overreaction , and rude 

 

tim took a drag , and stepped closer, being bathed in more light then shadow , this did nothing to comfort mac..like at all .

 

the smile never left his face , and he licked his lips before he spoke "you know i meant what i said , about all the things i heard about you "

 

he kept stepping closer , until there was very little room between them 

 

"its amazing , truly , to have such skills , and reputation ! " tims eyes roamed from his toes to the top of him , and he licked his lips again before adding 'especially for one so..young "

 

he dropped his cig to the cement floor and ground it under his heel , before turning his dark gaze back to mac " i really , do look so forward to working with you "

 

mac cleared his throat , itd gone very dry 

 

"y-uh yeah me to "

 

tim smiled , pleased and gave a small wink his voice oily and slick "agreed , have a good night... mac " 

 

tim turned and walked away , presumably to where ever he had parked his own car , and mac found he could breath deeper , easier 

 

mac continued the walk to his vehicle , he told himself he was being irrational , he repeated it in his head over and over 

 

but his skin was still tingling from this morning 

 

and when tim had looked at him deep in his gut , his stomach had twisted .


	3. Your skin like winter I felt you shiver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long , but here we are :)

 

 

 the first few times it happens , mac brushes it off as accidents , the brushing of shoulders or hands was not something he had found that strange. 

 

even tho technically bozer and himself had 'there own labs ' there was really only a wall and a small set of doable doors that swung both ways separating bozers station from what jack had fondly labeled his maccave.

 

so in the end the sharing of equipment and the neatness of it , were completely normal , so mac could brush off the fact that tim was coming in his space to borrow things every now and then easily.

 

it was when it started happening in other places that it sent macs hackles rising again

 

in meetings tim would sit across from him , and his feet or knees would brush his own

 

in the hallways tim would place a hand on his shoulder in greeting , that would to macs mind seem to linger far to long .

 

they were small things and even tho they shouldn't , they bothered him immensely.

 

his choice to ignore them however was only partly due to that same small whisper in the back of his head that told him flipping his shit over a knee knocking his was an over reaction.

 

another he could admit freely to himself , was _guilt_.

 

bozer had taken to tim almost right away , and having to share the same lab unit it was to be expected that the two seemed to become fast friends.

 

it was common sight now , for mac to walk through the double doors of bozers lab to find him smiling and laughing and tim both directly or indirectly being the cause .

 

and it brought an ache to macs heart

 

bozer wasn't like him when it came to separating his work life from home , he wasn't good at lying about what went on in his life and that included work

 

that being the case , bozer didnt interact or have many friends outside of mac and the people he worked with ,and as much as his friend would tell him not to , mac couldn't help but feel-having dragged bozer into this world in the first place - that that was very much his fault .

 

 

so for bozers sake , he ignored the fact that in comparison tims own interactions with himself were strange at best and made macs skin crawl , and told himself it was nothing

 

and he continued to tell himself this

 

even after the day tims behavior escalated

 

 

mac had borrowed a few tools from bozers side of the lab , as per usual

 

and tim at the end of the day ,had come to collect them back , as per usual

 

but this time something was off

 

from the moment tim had entered the room , his presence had permeated it , looming and taking up all space , leaving no room fro anything else

 

his eyes held that same darkness they had the day they  met , and not for the first time mac felt like he was suffocating

 

tim had asked, ever so _pleasantly_ , for bozers tools back , a simple request that mac moved quickly to fill, anything to get tim out of his space sooner

 

he had had to turn and twist his body to this side somewhat , as in his hast to get an idea that had popped into his head that morning completed, he had spread them quite a bit about the room

 

  
turning back to face tim he met a sight that made him freeze

 

tim with eyes hazed and low lidded , was watching him so intensely, that mac felt stripped down to his bones, tim's breath was deep and he slowly licked his lips before commenting offhandedly that mac moved 'quite elegantly within his element '

 

hed mutter a stuttered 'yeah i guess' , tim never stopped staring at him as he stood , still frozen in his spot , shaken and held by the shear and oppressing **hunger** in those dark eyes

 

 

and for the first time in tim's presence mac realized with shuddering clarity , that what coiled icily in his veins and sent hot beads of sweat down his back ..was fear

 

for in his obliviousness when it came to such things ,only now , in this moment , did mac see that the hunger in those eyes was _sexual_

 

and it sent a shiver through his whole body

 

tim didnt fail to notice

 

and smirked

 

tim took a step forward and reached out his  hand to where macs own lay stiff and in midair , and slid his palm over macs as he took the three small items held within it

 

the contact broke the spell , and mac jerked his hand back as if tim had reached out and stabbed him , letting out a breath closer to a gasp

 

tim had eyed him a moment longer still smirking pleasantly , before purring a soft thank you that was so slimy it would take week for mac to clean it out of his ears

 

when tim finally , finally left through the double doors macs knees had faltered with the sudden ability hed regained to breath , and hed had to grasp the desk to steady himself .

 

tim lost all pretense afterward

 

hed seek mac out , use mundane reasons as an excuse to touch him,  a simple "im still having trouble finding my way around can you help me " turned into walking the halls with an emboldened hand at the small of macs back

 

a simple "you used these bozer needs them back " turned into tim coming into his space and boxing him in as he 'reached' passed mac for the tools strewn about his desk

 

and a simple "i have a question for you " turned into play on words that were so sudden but borderline inappropriate that mac would make an excuses to leave his own lab .

 

 

the straw that broke the camels back haunted mac for days after it happened

 

mac had turned his back  , as he had so many times before , to grab a chip sitting on his work space to hand to tim at his request , he leaned forward quite a bit to retrieve it even stretching his arm out  as he had left it in the center of the rather large table

 

as his fingers closed around the small square , tims arms came down slowly on ether side of his hunched shoulders , and mac realized with a sick twist in his stomach that tim had him practically bent over the table and was sandwiching mac between it and himself

 

something hard poked his back as tim leaned over close to his ear and hissed "you look good like this "

 

raw instinct kicked in and with out thought mac elbowed him in the side of the face close to his nose , tim reared back holding his nose and mac scrabbled out from under him

 

tho blood was poring from one nostril ,  mac could tell he hadn't broken it ,that did nothing to stop the layer of ice that entered to join the  darkness in the  eyes staring him down

 

 

hed never seen it there before and it sent another deeper trickle of fear down macs spine

 

still in a voice far firmer then he felt , he said clearly

 

"get out "

 

to his surprise and release , the order was obeyed immiditley and tim tho still undeniably pissed , left the room in a huff

 

he was far to rattled to care

 

 

 

 

 

tim left him alone for 2 days after that

 

his face sported quite a bruise , and through bozer he learned tim had told everyone who asked he had run into a door

 

mac couldn't bring himself to care , he was to liberated

 

no unwanted touching , no slimy filthy words whispered in his ears it was a blessed reprieve and mac relaxed for what seemed like the first time in forever

 

in fact , tim no longer even looked at him , when mac walked into a room tim avoided his eyes , and mac was by no means about to complain

 

tim would be out of there life's soon as it was anyway , and bozer or no bozer he wanted nothing more  to do with him

 

in his mind  this thing , what ever it had been that tim was trying to do was finally over

 

 

_he was wrong_

 

 

on the 3rd day tim cornered him in his lab


	4. In darkness, you're all around me I know our future, I feel your body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning so , i think some of us saw this coming , but for those who didnt , this is it the chapter that will make you hate me.
> 
> the following chapter contains rape/ non con and while its not completely graphic it is violent , and will probably be just as hard to read as it was to write , still unfortunately this is a reality of life for some people and in this case promant to the plot of the rest of this story , you have been warned .

 

 

 

it happened fast

 

as clisha as that sounds , but when the days come where mac looks back on it , that's what he remembers most

 

it just happened so fast

 

he hears the door open , he hears shoes he knows are tim's , but before he can even react, turn to tell tim to promptly fuck off , the side of his head explodes in pain , and in the floating haze that follows it takes him to long to realize that tim has slammed his head into his large work table .

 

by the time he comes back to himself, can finally take stock of whats going on around him again , his stomach sinks as 2 very important things register , that tim has worked off his lab coat and thrown it to the floor and that the man has both his wrist in one hand and is tying them together with something coarse and ruff that chafes his skin .

 

he grunts and attempts to squirm , his instinct to fight kicking in despite his body still being slow and sluggish , it dose not escape tims notice and a large ruff hand comes back to his head pinning it to the table on the side with its wight.

 

something hard is digging into his thigh as tim leans over him , and shear panic floods macs body finally waking it from its blunt forced stupper

 

because now he sees , knows tims intentions through images called back from times he and jack had been caught in enemy lines , tortured , interrogated , but sometimes more was threatened , through lude comments and hungry threats .

 

but hes never been this close before , this is not a threat or a suggestion , the intent to follow through hang suspended tensely in the air

 

 

it terrifies him

 

the pure panic makes him desperate, reckless,he needs to think , to see his way out of this danger the way he has so many others but he can't his mind can not see past the mantra of _hes going to rape you_ , cant comprehend whats happening to him , even as its happening , his disbelieve and fear cloud his mind paint all thoughts murky like dirtied water that runs through his fingers .

 

 

his mind is paralyzed

 

his body moves for him

 

  
in a span that seems all at ones every part of him is moving , struggling to free him from the man behind him , knowing what the consequence will be if he dosnt

 

his torso twist as his legs are kicking , trying to dislodge tim from his back , but tim hardly moves

 

and in desperation he bends his arms still tied , back at an unnatural angle to claw at the arm and hand burred in his hair , the act hurts , but the needs to get free proceeds all else

 

he pushes and claws at tims arm despite the fact he can barley reach it from his position , it hardly hinders the monster behind him , and the few marks he does manage to make are pitiful , looking more like scratch from a small animal

 

tim is speaking , hushed angry words that mac cant fathom in his panicked state , but it becomes evident when tim has had enough of him , for macs head makes sharp and painful contact with the table a second time that leaves him breathless , and eyes heavy

 

through his barley open lids he can see tims other hand moving and feels his tide wrist grabbed , his mind still fighting to work , registers faintly that tim is looping his bonds around the long fosit of the sink in the center of the work table

 

 

the stretch sends an ache down his arms that is nothing compared to the dread that shiveres down his spine

 

for tim has him now pinned and truly helpless , the fact is crushing

 

"tim -"

 

he wants to say more , hes very nearly on the verge of pleading , but before he can get another word out a thick material is placed in his moth with such mock tenderness his stomach rolls

 

 

tim leans in closer to his bent over form and sickeningly sweet shushing noises slither over his ear and he wants to vomit

 

tim is hushing him , hushing like one would a frightened animal the realization is ingratiating

 

 

tims hands slid down his back until they come to his hips and squishing harshly before burring the digits in the folds of his tucked in t shirt

 

tims chin finds the crock of his neck and rest there and mac can feel the fingers in his shirt trembling even through the fabric .

 

 

"you'll see ,im gonna make you see "

 

 

the violation that follows eclipse all others

 

 

tim explodes into movement , the hands in his shirt , rip it from where its tucked and ruck it up passed his nipples , the hands attack his pants next jerking the butten free and nearly breaking the zipper in the mans haste

 

tim is speaking again hissing obscenities so gently it contradicts the violence with which he touches him

 

 

mac is bear from the waist down now , and the sound of a zipper coming undone behind him works him back up into panic , he struggles again regardless of its futility and a whine he wished didnt , escapes his  throat to come out as a gasp through the gag

 

tim runs a hand down his spine to stop at his tail bone

 

"god your pretty , your so fucking pretty "

 

 

the compliment , if it can even be called that burns his skin as if scalding , and he cant help it

 

_**he growls** _

 

its apparently the wrong thing to do , tim snarls and pulls him flush against him by the hips , so mac can feel him there hard and pulsing with sadistic desire

 

 

"hush now , your not in control , but ill show you , im going to show you "

 

without further warning tim is forcing the whole of himself inside of him , and he has to hold his breath to stop from screaming

 

 

the violence that follows is overwhelming ,pummels and rips at his defenses the way tims sex is ripping at his insides as he moves ruff and fast in and out of him

 

tims hands are everywhere clawing at his back and chest , pulling at his nipples and tugging harshly at his cock , as if the violation taking place is not enough , as if tim wont be satisfied unless he forces his own lust unto him by dragging physical reactions from him

 

 

the fear and friction from tims unwanted touch has him half hard , and he finds himself praying to every dietiy he dosnt believe in that pain wins out , that tim cant get him to come ,it would be to much hes not sure hed survive it

 

and god mac wishes hed stop talking , hes murmuring things mac barley catches "whore " and "your so tight and hot " and "iv ruined you " the words are harsh and only serve to violate him further

 

 

the world around him grows dark around the edges as his mind attempts to zone out as if to protect him , but tims pace becoming even more frantic and the pain of nails shredding the skin of his back , rip even that away from him as awareness fluids sharply back in

 

he knows hes making little noises now , shuddering and broken whimpers through the gag , but hes beyond pride , and lacks the ability to hold them in any longer , the strength sucked from him with the drag of tims hardened flesh

 

tims hips stutter to a different angle and hit something inside him , that makes his whole body tense all over , and tim groans loudly

 

 

"oh !, that's my boy , take my cock just like that! "

 

the words pain him , but the sounds leaving his mouth have shifted in tone just as tims hips have shifted to hit that same spot over and over again

 

 

helpless little gasps and sighs he cant hold in leave him , and tims grip on his hips tighten so hard they'll buries , taking pleasure in the power he has over him

 

his sex,  softened from the pain , reawakens at the sensation forced on him , and he hopes again that he wont finish

 

his hope is answered and destroyed all at once , as tims hips stutter and suddenly there is something hot flooding his insides a mouth comes down to clamp on his neck and bite _hard_ and mac screams  horse and strained

 

 

when tim finally . finally pulls out of him , he says things , but mac cant hear , cant focus , and it takes macs traumatized mind a few moments to realize tim had put himself back together and left

 

 

left him , still tied and naked,  as if to remind mac of what hes done , of just how vulnerable he is , something hot and wet is streaming down his checks at the same time something hot and wet runs down his thighs

 

 

panic at being found this way crashes into him hard , and his mind so addled during his assault kicks into overdrive

 

in tim's absence he can breath , think , and it becomes a simple matter to shimmy out of his make shift bonds and pull the gag from his mouth

 

the air is fresher and he gasps it in greedily , his whole body aches , but his mind screams at him  _you have to stand_

 

his attempt to stand sends a sharp pain up his spine , and before he can stop it hes sliding down off the table onto the floor

 

and into a puddle of his own blood

 

 

hes bled a lot , its everywhere , his _weakness_ , is everywhere

 

 

_no no no no_

 

 

and the panicked fear sends adrenaline crashing through his system

 

 

and his body suddenly has no trouble moving the pain a dull ache in his frenzied act to put his cloths back on , his blood soaks through his jeans and he ties the discarded lab coat around his waist to hide it

 

 

hes not sure what drives his next action , but before he can really even consider what hes doing , hes grabbing anything he can get his hands on , and is desperately scrubbing at the floor cleaning his own blood from it as he hyperventilates

 

 

as if to make sure that nothing remains of the horror that took place

 

 

when he re-finds the strength to look back and not feel gutted , this to, will be a pivotal moment , and he'll wonder if his desperate haste to erase the evidence of what had happened in this room , was in actuality , a subconscious desperate desire to erase the fact of the act itself .

 

the rags are covered in the evidence of his violation , and when hes done he hides that to, and he scrambles from the room clawing and holding at the walls to keep him up

 

he cant stand to be here , he needs to leave , and even tho he really shouldn't drive , he somehow makes it to his jeep without being seen , and makes it home with out getting himself killed .

 

 

 

 

 

when hes home , the first thing he does is shower , scrub at his skin until its red and raw , he cant stand to look in the mirror , so he dosnt , the Adrenalin has worn off and all the pain hits him like a ton of bricks

 

he cant bring himself to go to the hospital , can barely bring himself to drag his beaten body through his own house , so he makes a homemade salve to treat himself, changes into loose clothes , crawls under the covers of his bed and curls in on himself as much as he can

 

sleep comes easy that night his body and mind worn

 

but there's a sickness in his gut , and it lingers along with the pain confining him to the bed for almost a week , he calls out from work, blames it on sickness so no one asks questions when he cant bring himself to eat , or drag himself from the bed .

 

on the fifth day the pain has subsided to an ache , he pulls himself together as much as he can , but something in him has shifted and twisted out of shape and he knows deep in his gut it will never be the same .


	5. You disappear without a trace Concealing the crimes on your face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long , but here it is for you guys :) please enjoy

 

 

 

 

_he cant stand to be touched_

 

its a new fact now realized as he had walked into the war room for the first time in nearly a week and was instantly swept up in jacks arms

 

the hug is warm and meant to comfort , to welcome , as is bozers when hes the next to wrap his arms around him , but to mac the arms are a cage , a point of bone and musculus that coil around him , strangling him

 

 

mac struggled with healthy touch before , shy with it as a child, a trait that followed him to adulthood . but hed come to treasure the tender moments of contact between the few people he trusted , a playful swat on the shoulder from riles , a high five from bozer , a full on bear hug from jack ..

 

_and oh oh god jack_

 

jack had worked for that the hardest , respecting the tentative binderies between them , working around macs issues until finally the day came where not only could jack fling his arms around him without mac feeling extremely awkward if not on edge , but his own arms would find there way around his partner to return it

 

 

now the contact is physically painful , stinging him like a burn , keeping him ridged as a board in all there arms, hed come so so far , with all of them ,and suddenly he has to fight to hold back a wetness building in his eyes fight the hollowing feeling that something precious has been stolen from him

 

 

riley touching him is easier ,witch does little to quill his sorrow , if anything it heightens it , for mac has a supposition the only true reason for that fact is that rily lacks a certain atomic part that jack and bozer do not .

 

 

the thought sends his stomach aching and bile rising to his throat, hes no longer just afraid of touch

 

_hes come to fear men_

 

if jack and bozer notice his stiffness and deference , they don't say anything , and mac is thankful excitement at having him back at work and in the field , has overwhelmed any critical eye they can throw his way ,any stiffness he blames on just getting over an "aliment "

 

when matty explains that unless called a pone , today will be a "working from home " kind of Monday , mac couldn't be more grateful

 

he still walks the halls looking over his shoulder

 

 

 

 

 

the room is immaculate , he can tell that even in the darkened space , the weekend cleaning crew doing an even better job then he had , still as he stands in the doorway , his shadow dancing over the room , mac cannot bring himself to enter the lab

 

and the third retaliation that comes to him that day , is that this room he once called his second home is tainted , has been just as violated has he is

 

and despite how much hed loved it , mac can no longer bring himself to find a space that is his within its walls

 

hes not sure how long he stands there gazing into its void , but unable to move forward , he turns slowly on his heal

 

and heads towards the lounge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mac knows tim is still here , will be for 3 more days , but the thought of running into him , suddenly , and without warning , somehow with everything else , hadn't stuck in his mind

 

until this moment

 

when he enters its to jack bozer ...and tim , all laughing and teasing each other , mac was hoping it would be like the first time , that tim would avoid him like the pleag , refuse to even look at him

 

but as tims eyes find him , and hold the stare with a curl glint , he knows the man will do no such thing , and suddenly mac can feel every hurt on his body tim put there , red wrist , he hides under long sleeved shirts burn , his back and pelvis aches as if fresh

 

 

he feels it all , as if tim is still inside him , violating him all over again in a new space as everyone watches ,his breath is stolen from him , hitches

 

the noise has jack turning to him , asking if hes ok , and he wants to scream , to break down and shrike that no hes not , and the monster hes standing next to is the tool of all his pain

 

but then his eyes flick to bozer , who tho concern fills his eyes , a happy glint ripples beneath the surface ,of witch again tim had been the cause , and again hes reminded why he stayed silent and done nothing in the first place, self loathing overwhelms him , and a tiny voice whispers in the back of his head , that hed brought this on himself

 

so instead he scratches absently as his wrist through the fabric of his shirt and says hes fine

 

 

tim cant leave it at that tho , gives him a look so full of fake sympathy it looks real , brings his hand to his chest for added effect and asks sweetly "are you sure ?"

 

the movement tracks macs eyes to the arm , and there still pink and healing , are the claw marks mac had left on him as hed struggled against him , his shame branded on tims arm , it sends his stomach rolling

 

bozers eyes track the movement as well , and he asks tim what the hell happened to his arm

 

tim looks down at the scratches , as if hed forgotten about them until now , then his eyes find macs again ,boring into them and holding him paralyzed in there gaze a smirk tug's at his lip

 

_"a kitty~.. scratched me"_

 

mac pitches to the side and pukes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the insadent buys him 2 more days at home , and by the time he gets back , tim is blessedly gone , back to his old district , his job done .

 

and mac is struck once again by the feeling of being able to breath

 

he still cant bring himself to work in the lab , so he brings work home with him , when bozer points it out he shrugged it off

 

he still cant bring himself to be touched  at more then short burst , when jack points it out , he shrugged that off to

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 weeks later there back in the filed on a mission to stop a bomb no less , the idea had made his stomach flip , but he couldn't bear to stay behind , to leave his teammates to them self's ,and with no reason he could say that he shouldn't hed gone

 

to his surprise instinct had taken over , and hed been able to focus more then he ever had in the past 3 weeks , like a numb blankness that moved his body on auto pilot , he has the bomb undone in 72 seconds

 

a personal best , when jack pats him on the shoulder he flinches like jack had slapped him , it gives jack pause , mac brushes him off

 

but it has jack giving him a look half concern half suspicious , and it makes mac feel naked , sickened by the reminder he turns his back to him

 

but jack watches him more closely after

 

 

 

 

a month later sees him a wreak , he cant sleep ,not that he could before , but now what little he does get is spent reliving his worst realities , he can barely stand to eat , and when he does its only beaues he knows he cant do without it

 

hes lost wight , slowly but surly ,and touch still disturbs him more then anything , hes hid it , hes hid it so well , but hes taken to having as little contact as possible with people , and his teammates have started to take notice

 

his excuses no longer work on them , they say there concerned about him, try to coax him into opening up , he closes the door all the more firmly

 

the field becomes the only place the world makes scents , the only place he can be even a piece of himself , and he thinks sullenly, its the only reason jack had backed off , just glad to see even a remnant of what mac once was

 

but as soon as there home its gone , and he retreats back into himself , huld up in bedroom or house, he can tell it pains them , seeing him like this and not understanding why , but he cant see past his own , his desperate need to fix himself , by himself.

 

scratching at his wrist has become a habit , so has wearing long shirts of witch he no longer rolls up the sleeves , despite the fact the burses are gone

 

he does it one day ,when tims name is said , harder and rougher then he ever has , or he must have , cause when hed looked down his hand was covered in the blood dripping down from where his nails had dug into the skin digging as if to tear the flesh from bone

 

hed cleaned and wrapped it hastily , made sure no one saw

 

he thought he was healing , ..hes not

 

he only realizes hed self harmed , when out on a mission they get shot at , and hed been strangely disappointed he hadn't died , but then jack had looked at him , put a hand on the back of his neck , pressed there foreheads together whispered the same words he had when murdoc had lured them to that junk yard

 

so hed swore it'd never happen again , but he knows somewhere deep inside of him , that hes at the end of a swiftly fraying rope and unsure how to let go

 

 

he dosnt have to , riely does it for him


	6. I'm self destructing, trust in nothing Save me

 

 

 

riley finds it on accident

 

after the attack by ominous shed grown paranoid,tho considering the situation , maybe not so much paranoid as virulent , matty certainty hadn't objected when shed insisted on not only hyping up cyber security herself but installing cameras in all rooms of phoenix including lounges and labs

 

and watching and going over every scrap of footage on them herself , ok so yeah maybe a little paranoid , but after bozer shed rather be safe then sorry so that meant labs especially were to be included

 

with so many new things going on of late shed slacked by nearly a month of going over the gathered footage with a fine toothed comb , but shed committed to this , so tho the task is growling shed sat herself down and started from the last day shed stopped

 

that's how she finds it

 

at first she cant comprehend what shes looking at , she watches as tim walks into the lab , she watches as tim practically bashes macs head in , then watches as tim-

 

 

she chokes on a sob as she watches mac , violated and bleeding scramble from a pool of his own blood- _and god thered been so much blood_ \- and rush awkward and stiff limbed to clean his own violation

 

 

to erase all evidence of his degradation off the floor,  _and pretend it never happened_

 

her limbs are shaking when mac finally stumbles from the lab and through the double doors , witch switch back and forth after his exit and she can only watch the continued action , frozen , for a  time

 

 

after she rewinds it , and re-watches it twice , she asks her self why , she cant stand it , and each time makes her cry so much harder that she can bleary see what shes looking at

 

perhaps she thinks , in a childish way , she hopes that  rewinding the tape will rewrite whats on it , that she'll hit play and a new ending , where her friend dosnt get rap-.. will play out on the screen

 

but each playback is the same , unyielding in its weight of truth , mac just as violated as before

 

 

on the third time she slams hes fist on the off butten nearly breaking the tv , and acid boils in her blood

 

for in this moment all of macs resent behavior makes terribly sick scents

 

and hed hidden it , hidden it all away , and she cant for the life of her understand **why** , then again maybe a small , very small part of her does , but that part still aches , is still hurt mac didnt trust her to stop this before it started, and even less to rectify the situation after it had

 

 

to help the wounds that were no doubt there, that in hindsight now seemed so painfully obvious , as mac had shut himself away from the world , and tried to be strong enough to face it in his own suffering at the same time

 

and suddenly that hurt part inside her is sick with guilt that shes hurt in the first place , shes not the victim here , and god does the word leave a sick taste in her very mind

 

and the fire of pure rage rushes back in to fill the hollowed space that had become her chest and bubble out through her veins to overflowing

 

and before shes really thinking about it , before she can stop to weigh the pros and cons , the consequence that could follow , shes turned to her laptop and is typing her hands a blur , and pulls up the url shed been tracing for months , the one shes sure belongs to ..him , or at least the closest lead they have to one

 

she loads the video clip , attaches a message to it , the words sarcastic and filled with bitter anger

 

she hits send

 

and falls back in the chair , her anger and the last of her energy draining with the motion , the feeling is remanent of another time , when shed asked other violent men to do violent things , but she cant find a sherd of regret in her , not when she wants so badly to rip tims throat out with her own teeth

 

 

she sits , silent and still , in the dark for a long time

 

 

 

 

 

when he revives the video , hes ...shocked to say the least , from the moment he pushed play to the moment the video clip cut off

 

from the moment the larger man slams the boys head on the table , to the moment the boy wobbles despreatly from the room , when the boy had made pittaful pained whines , and confused pleasured moans ,and hed had to pause at his own body's reaction to those sounds as hed watched hypnotized

 

 

yes , hes not a person who is easily shocked , but the truth played out on the screen in front of him shocks him  , he expected it even less when what ever may have been in the message was so obviously from riely

 

 

but he had indeed, played witness to the rape of angus macgyver and this fact somehow makes the one that riely found him less important , and hed had to re-watch it twice to be sure of what he was seeing

 

it sends molten rage through him , both on principle of the thing , and that macgyver has dare been trampled on by someone so unworthy and obviously weak , that boy is his , that really all there is to it

 

 

a conversation the boy and he had not so long ago comes to the forefront of his mind , and it drags his eyes back to the the words so full of bitterness and self righteous anger , reflect back on his screen

 

 

_you want to be a white blood cell ? lets see how you handle cancer_

 

 

his eyes don't change , the dark intent still swelling like a well of black , but a smirk tugs at his lips , for the bitter underlying question is unnecessary

 

 

his decision was made the moment rafe timothy's put his dick where it didnt belong


	7. Don't hide the shame from our lips (Glowing in amber, burn in sin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a chapter that held a lot of my passion as i was excited to get to it , so i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it

 

 

 

when mac walks into work that morning a fellow coworker hands him an envelope as he enters the war room , and says simply a friend had left it, mac opens it , dosnt think much of it, after all riley and jack are here bozer however is not , whatever is in the envelope must be from him

 

 

its not , and the image that stares back at him will haunt him forever

 

 

in the envelope was a single photograph , the bloody very dead face of tim looks back at him , body a disgraced and disfigured hunk of flesh from witch long objects that have been stabbed,  jut out from every angel of his body like a gory abstract sculpture

 

 

one in particular has a found home right between tims legs where a certain appendage would be, and suddenly hes struggling to breath , the picture flutters from macs hands to land on the desk upside down , where a single sentence has been scribbled

 

 

_i lay justice at your feet_

 

 

he dosnt remember , but somehow hes on the floor by the desk and he cant breath , he cant breath , and suddenly he cant see ether, there's a river in front of his eyes , hes drowning there are voices above him but there distant and muted

 

 

suddenly there are gentle hands carding through his hair, petting and cradling his face , the river abruptly clears as he feel hotness on both his cheeks ,and he can see jack , jack must have pulled him from the water

 

 

jack is speaking to him , must be, his lips are moving, but macs world has gone silent , the image of tim is playing on a endless loop inside his mind ,the violence it held is Remanence of the violence inflicted on macs own body

 

 

he knows he should be panicking, should feel sick , someone knows what tim had done , some one knows his shame , and one of there own has been brutally, brutally murdered

 

 

but the only thing he can feel ..is.... _relief_ , relief that tim will never trespass on him , will not trespass on anyone ever again , and its wrong it must be wrong , but hes to drained , to exhausted to feel anything more

 

 

the hands cradling macs face clutch at him just that much more tightly , his eyes can focus again , and jack , _oh_ jack is looking at him , pleading , a shine glistening in his own eyes  and maybe hes still drowning , for the water is back , it rushes in and destroys all the careful walls hes constructed , coursing through him to overflow , to leave his mouth in the form of words

 

 

and suddenly hes regained his air , cant stop speaking, he tries , tries so hard to pull it back but his shame is leaving his mouth in endless streams matching the ones running down his face , his voice is cracking and jacks hands are shaking , badly, but he cant stop , dosnt until the photo on the desk makes scents

 

 

when its done the room is silent and everyone is very still , only riley looks mildly uncomfortable and fidgets , bozer makes his presence known by throwing a chair-hard- _and oh mac didnt even hear him come in_ , the room erupts after that

 

 

jack is suddenly on his feet has snatched the photo from the desk , is yelling screaming even , bozer has crossed the room to meat him , also yelling tho from the tone,  not at each other , there very much on the same side

 

 

but mac is panicking , world going deft again until the screaming is a humming hertz that goes up and down as fear  crashes into him again

 

 

_i lay justice at your feet_

 

 

another chair is thrown ,mattys voice has joined the screaming

 

 

_i lay justice_

 

mac finally focuses back in , to lock eyes with riely who is still standing still

 

_justice_

 

never once looked away from him scents it started

 

_at your feet_

 

 

he runs , runs from the room before he can really even think about it , but he cant stand to stay there , cant stand to be still , so his feet are moving without thought and when he can finally bring himself to stop , he looks up, shocked at where theve brought him , he stands in the lab , a fine coating of dust showing its clear misuses , a month ago he couldn't cross the threshold of the door,now hes thrown himself to the center of the room

 

 

he sways to the side to catch and brace himself with both arms on a once loved workbench, his head falls to hang close to his chest , and he has to draw in sharply to hold back a sob , and bitterly he thinks , how he has traded one room of pain for another

 

 

a shadow falls over him and he turns to see riely , standing in the doorway as if to bar him should he bolt , her face a little less blank , she knows most of the story now , but there are still the last broken piece of himself he hasn't laid bare , and he cant face her now , not when hes so fucken raw

 

"riley -"

 

 

"im sorry" , she says suddenly , and macs head jerks up surprised , "im sorry , about what happened to you , im sorry it happened here ...in this room "and suddenly puzzle pieces fall in to place and he cant breath , might break down and cry all over again "you.... knew"

 

 

her breathing speeds up and when she speaks her voice is horse like shes fighting her own crumbling "of course i fucking knew , i was the one who installed those cameras after the ominous break in , i was in charge of amping up cyber security !! i watched him tear you apart mac , it recorded everything !!! did you really think id let him get away with what he did ? that id stay silent !! just becues you had ??!!

 

 

"r-riley" its a shaken desperate plea , and riley goes quite and soft hearing the broken sound , when she speaks next all anger is gone, but theres a rasp on her touge like an underlining pain

 

 

"why mac ? why didnt you tell me right away , i- would have helped you" _i would have saved you_

 

 

theres a wetness sliding down his cheek again and he cant locate his voice rileys own tears have found there way out of her eyes , they cant seem to stop staring into macs sole, its an anguished whisper when she says

 

"you didnt trust me "

 

 

_no no no no your **Wong**_

 

"that's not it !!"

 

"what then "

 

"i-i cant " "you must " and then shes stepping closer, slowly, like he might run if she dosnt, the shadows in the room flint across her as she moves to him , making the wet in her eyes all the more obvious

 

 

"you need this mac , just as much as we do , you need to talk about this, dont push us away , let us back in , we love you " the last word is a sob and it breaks something deep inside him

 

 

"i -not now , not here " riely looks about reay to argue "riley , pleaesss" the silence between them stretches but its different now and she relents , tells him they'll meet in the lounge , all of them , talk there, no exceptions . he agrees , only because after all that's happened , he cant bear to deny her

 

 

 

 

 

they gathered in a small broken circle , mac in a chair to himself , the other 3 of them sat in various perches around him , but facing him there eyes are sad -especially jacks- but theres an underling fire under it , there angry and hurt , they all think he didnt trust them , both to protect him and help him heal after wards , hurt **becues** there angry with him

 

 

there trying to see past there own pain , beacues macs had been far, far greater , and the very thought itself paints the former hurt guilty , mac relies in this moment how much he loves the 3 people in this room , how he loves them more then hes ever loved anything other then his mother

 

 

they want him to tell them its true , he didnt , couldn't trust them , they want a reason to punish themselves , for not being able to save him , for being bitter to his silent suffering in the first place , they want his words to quill there own guilt even where there should be none ,  it would be easy , it would in some twisted way satisfy all of them , but that love rises in his chest again bringing an ache to it , a lump to his throat

 

 

_so he doesn't tell them what they want to hear , he tells them the truth_

 

 

that Everything still good and unbroken about him , is theirs , that every moment mac had kept living , kept dragging air into his lungs , every time he wanted to dig a blade across his skin and stopped short when all he wanted was to die , is there doing.

 

 

that his silence had nothing to do with them . It had to do with himself his own shame .he couldn't have said the words , not back then ,letting them past his lips would have made them real, and that just hadn't been something he was ready to face , not really, until this moment .

 

 

it hurts them further to hear the whole story , to hear the reasons they cant understand behind it . he has to explain. that he did trust them , that the person he truly hadn't trusted or believed in was himself , fear and shame having stolen that away from him .

 

they sit and talk for hours ,when its over there are no dry faces, but every single one of them feel lighter , like the poison tim had tainted them with has drained out with the rest of there pain

 

 

rileys the first to wipe at her eyes , and she sends a side ways look to the 2 sitting next to her , a silent conversation seems to take place a moment , before they nod and all stand and walk over

 

riely leans over the chair to wrap her arms around him from the side , shes still the only one he can handle full contact with and she knows it , but still avoids his front , not caging him

 

jack sits to his side the hand in his own its trembling , mac can tell he aches to do more , vibrating with the need to touch him more then he is , but instead grasps the hand tighter and lets his head fall to it cradling it like its the most pressies thing in the world

 

but bozer , out of all of them , is the most surprising , with out hesitation he had sunk to his knees near macs feet , a hand finding his knee and holding on for dear life , like hes afraid mac will disappear  , bozer had also cried the hardest his voice is nearly gone when he whispers "i love you , your my brother i love you "

 

 

without thought his hand finds its way atop bozers own , and a sob escapes him as he relishes the warm soft touches, they no longer cut him like a knife

 

 

its not the end , there is still a long road ahead of mac , and he knows it , but its a very very good start

 

 

tho the final push , will come from a very unexpected scores

**Author's Note:**

> i dont want to give to much away so the only hint about this fic ill give is it was inspired by the little chat murdoc and mac had in hole puncher , witch i found really interesting .


End file.
